Beel den Stormer Presents the Only Fishery Blog You Need

Fish, Fisheries and Queryomics

Why Do Australians Stab Each Other with Swordfish Bills?

Beel recently recounted the September 2006 case of a Darwin, NT, Australia man who had been stabbed with a swordfish bill.

This type of attack is more common in Australia than Beel realized.  Friends, please allow Beel to present two additional cases of Australian billfish stabbings.

In June 2007, the Metro news (UK) reported that a Bundaberg, Queensland man had been attacked in his home by two assailants bearing a swordfish snout.  The unidentified victim claimed the two men broke into his home and proceeded to assault him with the sword-like bill.

The victim was treated by paramedics for cuts to his arms, back and hands.

At last report, the police were left wondering where the alleged attackers found the swordfish snout and how big it was. They called off their investigation because the man withdrew his complaint.

Okay, says Beel.  The victim “claimed” the two “alleged” suspects broke into his home and later withdrew his complaint.  Beel smells refreshing Bundaberg rum in the air.  Drink it alone, or with your favorite mixer.

Bottles of Bundaberg, Australia, rum

Bundaberg rum: a great drink anytime, especially before or after a swordfish-bill attack. (Beel received no financial renumeration for including this picture and recommendation.)

But wait, Beel has more.  According to an article published in the Geelong Advertiser, another swordfish attack occurred in October 2010, in Colac, Victoria, Australia.

Daniel, who bravely withheld his last name, was sitting around, drinking beer with his good buddy. The two began to argue.  Daniel’s friend left, but then returned about an hour later with the pointy end of a swordfish skeleton, which he thrust at Daniel.

The attacker exclaimed, “I thought you were my friends, but now I’m f—in’ gonna kill you both.” So Daniel beat the crap out of him. Daniel then walked the wounded man, without his fish, back to his nearby house.

Both men suffered minor injuries, with the swordfish swordsman getting the worst of it.  An Ambulance Victoria spokesman stated the older man had been trasnported to the Colac Hospital, where he was treated for facial lacerations before being discharged.

In January 2011, Metro news (UK) reported that Daniel’s attacker had been formally charged with assault with a weapon, summary assault, and possession of a weapon.  Neither Daniel nor his attacker were charged with having an excess of good sense.

Victoria Australian man showing site he was attacked by assailant with a swordfish bill

Daniel showing the location in his home where he was attacked with a swordfish bill.  Beel asks you to note the proximity of the beer cooler to the site of Daniel’s attack.  Coincidence?  (photo source)

In all fairness to the Australians, they are not the only ones stabbing each other with swordfish bills, nor did they first conceive of this form of assault.  That honor goes, unsurprisingly, to a couple of beered-up Americans.  Beel cheers:  USA, USA, USA!

In February 2002, the St. Petersburg Times (Florida) reported that  Pinellas County sheriff’s deputies had been called to the home of one Garth Spacek, who had been stabbed with a swordfish bill.

Spacek had been beating his friend, Frank Ashmus, on the head with a beer bottle.  Evidently, Ashmus did not take too fondly to this abuse and grabbed his handy dandy swordfish bill and stabbed Spacek in the stomach.

Presumably, Spacek had thought it was a just banana in Ashmus’s pocket.

Ashmus was charged with aggravated battery and was held overnight in the Pinellas County Jail.  Spacek also was charged with aggravated battery but was taken to Bayfront Medical Center for treatment, where he was listed as being in fair condition.

Spacek suffered a circular wound in his lower left abdomen, and Ashmus suffered head injuries that required stitches in several locations, according to arrest reports.

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This entry was posted on February 22, 2013 by in Beel Bemused, Commentary and tagged , , .
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